How are you supposed to feel?

July 27, 2008 at 1:45 PM (Family)

My mother called last night, and I could tell as soon as I answered that she was upset about something, which usually is not a good sign.  My mother is odd, but not one to reach out and touch when she’s irritated or just sad.  She had to put one of her cats down yesterday, which I understand is a huge deal for her.  Her cats are her life, and I think at some point my parents turned into those people who see their pets as their kids, so I made some inane comments to try and cheer her up and apologized for the lack of new tattoos with which to distract her from her grief.  (When she ran over this particular cat 8 or 9 years ago I had just gotten my first and blurted it out in an attempt to get her to stop thinking about how she almost killed her cat.  It worked amazingly well.)  Then she told me that she had also gotten word (though some time ago) that her father had been diagnosed with cancer and was given two months to live.  This gave me some pause.  Biologically he is my grandfather, and therefore there is some tie to us, but he’s never been a part of my life, and truth told, I don’t know if I’d be able to pick him out of a lineup.  Mom knows and understands this, but as I’m trying to make her feel better, I wonder if I’m supposed to feel anything other than the general “Oh, I’m sorry” feeling you get when a friend tells you their grandfather died.  I want to make my mother feel better, but I wonder if it will seem callous that I, personally, will have a limited reaction.